We Remember.

Today is September 11, 2015. Like an old scar that reminds us of a wound, this day reminds us of a pain that we all felt and one that will never be forgotten. As I was reflecting this morning on this day and the significance it now carries, I couldn’t help but go back to 2001 in my mind and recount how this day played out for me. I was 17 years old and had just started my freshman year at Bakersfield College. As I pulled into the large parking lot on that fateful Tuesday morning it seemed a little too easy to find a parking spot. It was still early in the day, yet news was already spreading as I walked onto campus. As I arrived to my classroom I saw a small crowd of students and professors huddled around an old school tv on a cart with wheels. My jaw dropped when I saw the plane hitting the first tower. My professor explained to me that all classes were cancelled until further notice. I stood in that classroom on this day 14 years ago in shock. In that moment I felt helpless. I can recall feeling a pit in my stomach and not knowing what to do about it. I was upset. The world was more broken than I had ever imagined and I wanted to believe that it was all a hoax.

As I left my classroom I could see people praying on campus – I wasn’t a believer then so I didn’t feel comfortable joining them, but I so desperately wanted to. I went home that day and would spend the next several hours glued to the television to find out what was happening. My Dad was out of town with visiting my sister in San Francisco so I sat in my living room alone on this day trying to process everything. When tragedy strikes on this level it does something to human beings. Some respond with hate. Some respond with fear. Still others seem to answer a call of duty and jump into action and begin to help. Over then next few days I recall seeing and hearing about men and women demosntrating extraordinary acts of heroism, bravery, and selflessness. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of nationalism and American pride. As corny as this sounds, for once in my life I was truly “proud to be an American.” It’s weird, but in the midst of great trials we often see the best in people. The character of people is not necessarily built during tumultuous times, rather the character of a person is revealed in these moments.

I realize that there are many conspiracies that try to explain this tragic day in our nations history but no one truly knows the motives behind it; to be honest, I really don’t care. All I know is that many innocent people lost their lives on this day. Heroes were born and heroes were lost. Daddy’s went to work on this day 14 years ago and didn’t come back. Sons, daughters, wives, friends, kissed their loved ones goodbye for the very last time, made their last phone calls, sent their last e-mails, and would go about their morning not knowing it would be their last day on this earth. We remember these sons and daughters. We remember the hurt. We remember those who left us on this day. Most importantly, we remember that God causes all things to work together for good. On this day, 9/11, We Remember.

God Bless,

Adam X. Magana

The Middle Place

  

I can’t help but acknowledge the miracle of being born. We can often take for granted a newborn baby, but they are truly amazing!

Since last June, Stacy and I have been on a journey of loss, grief, and God has given us a renewed sense of hope and faith. Losing a baby is difficult. Having a stillborn child is not easy nor is it something I like to talk about. Maybe that’s why I write about it. Not to mention it can just make people feel uncomfortable. Miscarriages, late-miscarriages, and stillborn births are a terrible thing. We all know people who have experienced these types of losses. Moreover, I know people who have experienced loss so great that it would seemingly make ours pale in comparison, however, we can’t compare pain on some man-made scale or put it into a neat little category. It’s messy, and we all go through tough times differently.

No two people are the same and when we hurt, it’s easy for those on the outside looking in to make an almost unconscious presumption about how we should be “handling” it. I know I’m guilty of this. For instance, when someone’s loses a pet and you would have thought the whole world is coming to end. We don’t say it, but we think to ourselves “Why are you making such a big deal about this?”. But the truth is they are hurting. God doesn’t look at us when we are hurting and say “Why are you so sad? Don’t be so sensitive.” Why? Because God isn’t like us. He’s patient and close to us when we hurt. So when we hurt, no matter what has happened, it’s painful. But one thing I know is this, hurting with hope still hurts. So yeah, it’s kinda complicated.

No one likes to talk about pain and sorrow because it’s not fun for anyone and this often leaves people in a difficult place; a place somewhere in the middle of normal and broken.

If I’m honest, I feel like we have been in that middle place. Not all the time, but sometimes. The sadness is gone (kind of), the tears are very rare, but the memory of what happened last summer is still there. If you’ve ever felt loss, you know what I’m talking about. It reminds me of a story in the Gospel of John that really speaks to this “middle place” I’m talking about:

“Then Jesus became explicit, ‘Lazarus died. And I am glad for your sakes that I wasn’t there. You’re about to be given new grounds for believing. Now let’s go to him.’” John 11:14-15 (MSG)

If you’re a bible reader you know the story. You also know that when you read through the gospels or the biblical narratives, it’s easy to read through a story with the happy ending already imprinted on the horizon of your mind. Kinda like watching a Rocky movie. When Rocky is getting killed by Drago The Russian, you know that it’s only a matter of time until we start hearing that Rocky theme music, and the beloved Italian Stallion will stumble his way back to center ring, stand toe to toe with Dolph Lundgren “Drago”, and beat the snot out of him. We don’t get scared that Rocky is going to go all Apollo Creed on us and die. Why? Because once we’ve seen the movie, we are ready for the comeback. With this story of Lazarus it’s the same thing. We can miss out on the tension and emotion that the individuals involved may have felt or experienced because we already know that Lazarus doesn’t stay dead.

Here’s a recap in case you forgot or have never read the story. Lazarus, a close friend of Jesus, dies. Jesus waits for a few days, then basically foreshadows in John 11:14-15 what’s about to go down (He’s about to raise someone from the dead – no big deal). When he arrives on scene a few days later, the Bible records that Jesus breaks down and weeps alongside Mary, the sister of Lazarus. (Bible trivia fact: John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the bible with only two words “Jesus wept”). Finally Jesus and the whole gang head over to the tomb and Jesus calls out in a loud voice “Lazarus, come forth.” and he does, then everyone’s happy again! The end. On to the next miraculous scene. But what we, the reader, must imagine in our minds eye is that Mary and Martha experienced a loss and a pain that was so real and so intense that Jesus himself was moved to tears. That was the middle of the story that we often like to skim over because the middle part hurts. That’s the part that we don’t like. And I feel like if we don’t slow down in the middle parts long enough in scripture, and in life, we miss out on what God is trying to teach us.

Have you ever been stuck in the middle?

• The middle is where we call on God and wonder if He hears our cries

• The middle is where doubts rage loud, and our Savior grows quiet

• The middle is where life doesn’t make sense, faith seems foolish and hope seems lost

Let’s face it. We’ve all been there. Maybe you’re there now, or maybe you were there recently. You might be in a marital mess, or a spiritual rut, or maybe someone you love is no longer here with you and you’re trying to figure out how to move on… here’s the hope that I want to share with you – Jesus told the disciples something amazing before he raised Lazarus back from the dead “You’re about to be given new grounds for believing.”

When we are in a middle place in life there are two things that are true:

1. It is PAINFUL – when we lost baby Adam I could literally feel my heart sink inside of me. It was a pain so emotional that I could feel it physically in my body. I don’t wish that on anyone and I pray that we don’t have to endure that ever again.

2. It is a place of POSSIBILITY – our pain in the middle place opens up a myriad of possibilities. The possibility of allowing God to till the soil of that middle ground and create in us fertile hearts for our faith to grow and flourish. We are never more like Christ than when we serve others and are deeply pained by the weight of our fallen and broken world.

Stacy and I prayed for another boy after we lost baby Adam. 2 months later, God gave us a boy! Were we hurting? Yes. But God revealed things to us about Himself over the following weeks and months that we could have never known had we not been in that middle place. And now, our son will be born in less than two weeks. Our faith has been made stronger and we are watching God bring life to what seemed like a dead situation. We are experiencing our own Lazarus story with the death of one child, and the resurrection of new possibilities with our unborn son. God is good.

I have found that the middle is where we decide what we believe about Jesus – regardless of our circumstances. Before Jesus performed a miracle, Martha made her decision: “I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God” (John 11:27) And Jesus replied with a promise we can claim for ourselves: “Didn’t I tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?” (John 11:40)

We don’t survive the middle by rewriting the story; we survive it by anchoring our hope to the One who has already scripted the perfect ending.

Today Stacy is officially 36 weeks pregnant with our son. He weighs approximately 6.9 lbs and looks very healthy (check out the picture below). We have been hoping and praying for a full-term pregnancy and it seems that is what we are going to get.

We went to her doctor’s office on April 6th at 11am for a routine cerclage removal, but we ran into a few problems. Dr. Wilkes typically performs this procedure in his office, but when he went to remove it he noticed there were some issues. Basically, he couldn’t get the stitch out because the baby is sitting really really low and putting way too much pressure on her cervix. He decided to send her to the hospital where she was admitted and went into the Operating Room at approximately 5:30pm. She needed an epidural for the procedure and Stacy had some weird reaction to the anesthesia. It caused her to have low blood pressure and anxiety. We ended up getting home around midnight last night. She is doing good today, but she’s just sore and shaken up – yesterday was rough.

Baby Brixton is doing great and Dr. Wilkes said that we could be having him by the end of the week due to the fact that Stacy immediately dilated to 2 cm after the procedure. He went on to say that he can’t even believe that Stacy is walking due to how low the baby is sitting in the womb. He’s been doing this a long time and said that he thinks Stacy has set a new record!

This is going to sound cliche, but I truly believe that my wife is the one of the strongest human beings I know. She is brave – she is beautiful – and above all she is selfless. I’m blessed to have a woman like her by my side. I’m blessed to have gone through the middle place with her. And we are blessed to have a God who is not far off, a God who is close to the brokenhearted, and a God who rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

In Christ,

Adam

We’re having a Baby Boy!

That’s right! It’s a boy!

Stacy is entering her 6th month of pregnancy! This is great news four us! I’m so stoked to be having a little boy! We prayed and asked God to give us a son and that is exactly what He did! However, with this child comes a few hurdles to overcome. Stacy’s body produces perfectly healthy babies, but she has a thing called I.C. (incompetent cervix). That just means that as the baby grows her cervix can’t handle the pressure and begins to open before the baby is ready to be born. This pregnancy is considered “at risk” so we are doing everything in our power to keep her pregnant. Stacy started getting weekly progesterone shots (a hormone that our body creates naturally) around 14 weeks; this is to help prevent preterm labor. According to Dr. Wilkes, the cervical cerclage (stitch in her cervix) that he put in back in October is the only thing holding the baby in right now which was expected at some point. We got the tough news 3 weeks ago when we found out that her cervix was funneling (opening up) which is not good. Stacy has been put on bed rest to ensure the funneling stops where it is. We are going in to see the doctor once a week for a progesterone shots, and ultrasounds to measure cervical length. Stacy and I continue to look to God for comfort and are trusting Him for a healthy baby boy in April.

We have set small goals for this pregnancy to keep our minds and hearts focused on God and trusting Him for wisdom. Our first goal was to get to 20 weeks which is when we lost Baby Adam. Our second goal was to get to 24 weeks because this is when viability begins. He currently has a 50% chance of survival. We don’t anticipate or see that happening, but it does give Stacy and I a little more comfort just knowing. Our next milestone will be to make it to 28 weeks where he will have 90% viability! Please keep Stacy and baby in your prayers.

These past few months have been tough on us. Watching your wife give birth to a lifeless child and having to think about that day can really impact you spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. Stacy is so strong, yet there still remains the emotions from losing baby Adam. When people ask her how she’s doing with this new pregnancy, it’s hard for her to explain things without wanting to cry, but the hope of what is taking place with our growing family, and knowing that God is allowing us to be parents to yet another child has us in a place of humility and thankfulness as parents. Please understand that I’m fully aware of how blessed we are and that God doesn’t exist to make our lives perfect. We are just in a season of re-grouping and we feel good about the future. We serve a faithful God – it’s who He is.

2 Timothy 2:3 says it! “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” He cannot disown his own character. Our God will be faithful to His will people regardless of performance. That is comforting to me because I know that as a man there will be days when I completely blow it and will need to trust in the Grace and Faithfulness of God, not my own behavior or attitude. Even when Stacy and I let fear or doubt set in, God will be faithful to not only carry out His plan, but also to do what He has promised for us in His Word. He promised that he’ll never leave us or forsake us.

I wish I could describe my feelings better but it’s difficult. Over these past few months I have been nervous, anxious, scared, hopeful, doubtful, faithful, faithless and sometimes all of these things at once. Walking and trusting God is not easy. It’s not natural to give praise in the midst of trying times – it’s supernatural, and it is completely necessary to live a life that pleases God. So today, I am choosing to be victorious. I’m choosing to be full of FAITH. Today I am choosing to proclaim God’s power over my wife and my children and I will choose to trust God no matter what, and no matter the cost. I honor my wife and her strength throughout this last chapter of our life together. I am praying that this next chapter of our lives would not only be a fruitful one, but one marked by faithfulness and supernatural trust in the Word and person of Jesus Christ.

Happy New Year!

Adam

The Light of The World

Jesus made a crazy claim that He was the Son of God. Then He performed signs and wonders. Then His following became so large that the religious people began to despise Him and hate Him for the things He was saying. Finally He was handed over to the a Roman authorities to be brutality beaten and killed. All of his followers split. But, 3 days later, the tomb that Jesus’ body was buried in was empty. People saw Him walking around. He dined with them. They even touched his wounds to see if it was really Him! And now over 2k years later we are still talking about Jesus and what He has done for us! IF on the outside you have it all together but on the inside you feel overwhelmed with your hectic schedule, you rush from point A to B, or maybe you just feel weighed down by guilt for your actions (or inaction) come to Jesus and you won’t have to walk in darkness bumping in to things that hurt you. The Light of the World is not the sun – The Light of the World is SON… JESUS CHRIST and He has invited you & I to come and get to know Him!

He’s come to give sight to the blind and to give life to those who are dead spiritually. Repent if you’ve been compromising over an over, and trust God’s Word when it says in Ephesians “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” We don’t earn it, but we have it IF we chose to follow Jesus Christ, to walk with Him, to listen and obey Him, and if we put our faith in Him, we will walk in light and joy that leads to life!

Choosing to follow Him,

Adam

Our Rainbow Baby

Hey there!

It’s been a while since my last post. To be honest, looking at the previous posts bring up a lot of emotions for Stacy and I. I have been tempted to neglect this blog altogether, but I don’t feel like that is what God wants me to do. The reason for this post is very simple, yet very exciting. My wife and I are expecting another baby! We are so thankful that we were able to get pregnant so quickly after losing baby Adam. As of today Stacy is around 13 weeks pregnant. In order to help prevent another loss, our doctor suggested a surgery that would help keep the baby securely in the womb called a cerclage. We need your prayers. Stacy is going in for surgery on Friday October 24th. With all surgeries there is a possibility of complications. Please pray for each medical professional that will be involved in this procedure as well as Stacy’s body. We are asking that God’s will be done as we feel this is the path he has shown us.

Jesus In The Storm

I didn’t grow up knowing Christ, so I was not familiar with certain “Christianese” statements until about age 21. Sayings such as “Guard your heart” or “Digging into the Word” or even “Facing a storm” were foreign jargon to me, but I can honestly say that I’m now fluent in the Christianese dialect. But that this past summer we were definitely “Facing a storm”. One that our family will never forget.

Do you remember in Mark Chapter 4 when the disciples are on the Sea of Galilee and they get caught in a fierce storm? I love this account of what happens on this night. The disciples are roughing the storm battered waters and Jesus is in the stern of the boat sleeping after a long day of teaching and ministering. The Bible records that in the midst of the storm the disciples yelled to Jesus (my paraphrase) “Jesus! This boat is going to down and we are all going to die! Don’t you even care?!” What happens next is so good; Jesus gets up, wipes the sleep from his eyes, yawns and stretches, looks directly at the storm and says “Quiet, be still.” and the wind calms down and the waves subside. I imagine the great calm that followed was deafening. So quiet yet so impactful. The disciples would look at the water, then to each other, then to the water, then finally to the one that was responsible for the calm – Jesus Christ. Jesus looked at them intently (I imagine there was a long dramatic pause) and finally speaks these words. “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?” The disciples, absolutely terrified at this point, say to themselves “Who is this man?” Even the wind and waves obey him!”

Storms Build Faith

If Jesus calmed the storm, couldn’t he have prevented it in the first place? Sometimes we shake our fist at God and question why certain things happen. I don’t know why we lost our son in June, but we did. Do we live in a sin stricken, broken, fallen world? Absolutely. Can God do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants? Absolutely. So, when I think about our storm I know that God could have stopped it from happening in the first place before any heartache or pain occurred, but He didn’t. He allowed it. His heart broke with our heart, but somehow He allowed it, or is allowing it, in order to work all things together for our good. He allowed the storm for the same reason he allowed the storm in Mark 4; He wants his followers to learn how to trust in Him, and not their circumstances or simply by what they can see. If it’s impossible to PLEASE God without faith, then wouldn’t it make sense for God to allow us opportunities to build and strengthen our faith in Him? I’ll never understand God fully, because His ways are not my ways, but I am confident that God is Good. He is Love. And He is COMPLETELY in control.

Storms Will Pass

Living in Las Vegas we don’t get a lot of rain. We have certain times of the year that storms hit and it will rain for a while, but eventually, like every storm that hits, they end. Sometimes there is damage caused by mudslides, and flash floods. Sometimes thunder and lightning storms can spark great fires, but eventually everything calms down and we can begin to rebuild after the storm. I feel like we are in a rebuilding season after the storm. We can still see the damage that has been done, our hearts will never quite be the same after weathering the storm of losing a baby, but we sense the Lord rebuilding our hearts and our spirits one day at a time.

Rainbow After the Storm

This new child is our Rainbow baby. After the flood in Genesis 9, God promised that He would never again send a worldwide flood to destroy the earth as an act of His judgment for sin. So, as a sign to remind Noah and his descendants of His covenant promise, God “set the rainbow in the cloud”. The lesson to all followers of Christ is that when we see a rainbow we should always be reminded of God’s faithfulness and His amazing grace. He is faithful no matter what. When I think of this child I no longer want to fall into the temptation of fear and anxiety that is so easy to default to after going through a storm like ours; rather I want to look at this child as a “rainbow baby” a sign that God is faithful and His grace not only covers our sins but also covers all our doubts and fears.

Stacy found out what a Rainbow Baby was after looking online a few months back. A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm clouds might still be overhead as we continue to cope with the loss, but something colorful and bright has emerged from the darkness.

For His Glory,
Adam, Stacy, Hadley, and our Rainbow Baby

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. – Hebrews 13:5

Forever in our hearts

The sun is setting as I write this blog and I can’t help but sense the presence of God. Words cannot express the amount of love and encouragement Stacy and I have received over the past two weeks. Stacy was released from Summerlin Hospital the day after our son passed away. Her body seems to be healing quite well after her surgery and Dr. Wilkes said everything looks good for future pregnancy, as long as we take the necessary precautions. We have gone off the grid for the last two weeks as we’ve been grieving and processing everything. We spent some time in California with our family and even had the chance to stay at the central coast. Because we had our baby cremated, we wanted to do something special with his ashes. I brought up the idea of scattering his ashes at the place where I asked Stacy to be my wife and she immediately agreed that this would be our special place for Adam Jr.

Last Saturday morning we awoke and made our way to the beach where I proposed 4 years ago. Before we got to our destination I pulled over and bought Stacy sunflowers – they are one of her favorite flowers. We pulled up to our location and the water was choppy, the smell of salt water filled the air, and dense clouds rolled across the California skyline. The sun would periodically pierce through the clouds above to warm us. As we made our way onto the beach and climbed up the rock, we felt confident that God was with us. Stacy and I smiled at each other with tears in our eyes as we crested the rock. At the moment we were about to pray, the sun came out and tears began rolling down my bride’s cheeks. They were tears of sadness, joy, heartache, and love. As I embraced her, all I could hear were the waves crashing against the rocks and my own voice saying “Lord help me be strong for her”. I was sad but I felt empowered to lead my wife in prayer – The strength and peace I felt at that moment can only be explained by the power of His Spirit.

Right before we prayed I looked down and saw a snake coming out of the rock about 2 feet away from our legs! I looked Stacy right in her eyes and said “Don’t be scared but there is a snake by your leg” she looked down and screamed and leaped away from it! We laughed together as it was some much needed comic relief for such a difficult moment. Needless to say, we opted for the other side of the rock to pray. With hands held and eyes closed (well, one eye closed and one on the nearby snake) we prayed and asked God to meet us on that special altar. It was the place where our journey as husband and wife began, and a place that we can always go to and remember our beautiful baby boy. After talking to God and thanking Him for everything He has done for our family, we leaned over and scattered his ashes into the ocean. The waves crashed back and forth and the dust vanished into the dark blue waters. I know that he is waiting for us in Heaven, but at that moment I would be lying to say that we didn’t feel like we were losing a piece of our heart and soul. We held one another and cried. I’ll never forget that day.

Time will continue to heal our broken hearts, and God will make beauty from ashes. I now see hurting people in a different way and this will only help me to better share the gospel.

I want to thank everyone that has been following our story for the last two weeks. We have received hundreds of phone calls, texts, e-mails, and facebook messages. We feel so loved. This blog has been read in 39 countries and has had nearly 20k hits. It’s crazy to know that our son’s abbreviated life has been used to glorify God and hopefully encourage people through our faith in Jesus Christ through this trial. A big thank you to Pastor Jim and the rest of our VBF Family. Also, thank you to our Life Group – you guys are solid and we are forever grateful for the prayer and support from you all. Finally, thank you to everyone that has helped support us financially through a support fund site our friends the Ryan and Audra Omlie created for us. There are some serious medical bills that have accumulated and even though we do have insurance, there were some things that were not covered and will have to be paid for out of pocket. Words cannot express how much all of this means to us. If you would like to help, you can go to http://bit.ly/1lqOULP

I want to leave you all with these words written by the Apostle Paul over 2,000 years ago – they have been a constant source of hope and healing as we have gone through this storm:

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

In His Love,

Adam

(above: Montana De Oro Beach| below: Stacy and I on the rock)

 

He is with Jesus

Adam Xavier Magaña Jr. was born at 1:00pm on June 16, 2014 weighing 8.3 oz and 9 1/2 inches long. He went to be with Jesus today as he was born without a beating heart. We were able to hold him for almost an hour after he came. He was perfect. Little perfect hands, feet, toes, nose, etc. We are hurting but we know that he is experiencing love in Heaven at this very moment that is indescribable.

IMPORTANT
Please pray for my Stacy.

Pray against bleeding as she goes into surgery for placenta removal. She is so strong and I know God is giving her strength.

Love you guys!

Adam

When it hurts…

Day 3 | 19 weeks 5 days pregnant

Today has been very difficult. We started the day off with good news. At 8am there was no infection in Stacy’s body, no contractions throughout the night, and the baby’s heartbeat was strong. That was reassuring and gave us hope going into our day. That hope soon faded when suddenly, Stacy began to bleed. I noticed it as I was placing her bed pan under her body. I rushed to the nursing station and called nurse Becky over to our room. She checked Stacy out and explained to us that his umbilical cord had prolapsed. Basically the cord was coming out of her body and there’s very little they could do at that point. They called Labor & Delivery and a few moments later 2 nurses came in and took my wife to a delivery room.

We waited for our on-call doctor to arrive for almost 30 minutes. At approximately 10:30am the doctor arrived & we were told that our son really does not have a chance of viability at this point. Talk about a punch in the gut. Those are words that you never want to hear. As the doctor was talking to us, my mind wandered to what the next few hours, days, and weeks would look like for our family. I tried to be strong for my wife today. I periodically would go off for a minute or two and cry. It’s so hard.

We are now in the delivery room and the baby is still in her womb. We are now simply waiting for the next step. My son’s heart beat is still strong & I’m praying for a miracle. At this point most medical professionals would agree that the survival rate for our son is 1 out of a million. We understand this and have prepared our hearts for all possible outcomes.

My heart is heavy as I write, yet I’m pressing on because I know that my wife and daughter need me, and The Lord is wanting to teach me how to lean into Him through this trial like never before. A nurse came in and tried to cheer us up with words of encouragement. I wish I could say that it helped, but I just looked at her, smiled, and looked down. Stacy is staying hopeful. She is so strong. I believe she has more faith than I do and I will always tell people that she is just a better person than I am. I love her so much and I can’t imagine going through life with anyone else but her.

I keep thinking about Heaven guys… I know that as Christians, our hope is not found on this earth and that Heaven is waiting for us after we die. It reassures me to know that if our son is not strong enough to push through, he gets a direct pass to heaven! If he passes I’m confident that he’ll be waiting for us there. I know that he will embrace us and give his daddy & mommy a big hug and kiss. I love him so much… My hope remains that he will pull through, but if he doesn’t, it is well with my soul.

Here is my prayer; Not my will but yours God. You are my Lord, you are my Rock. You are faithful and just. You allow the rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous. You are with me. You are sustaining my wife and my son and you never make a mistake. I trust you God… Amen.

Please pray for Stacy and our baby. We love you guys.

In Christ,

Adam

Baby Magaña Update

Last night at 7pm my wife Stacy started going into labor at 19 weeks. This morning her water broke and we are now in the hospital trying to save our unborn son’s life.  

(above: this is my bed for the next few days)

Our hearts and minds are focused on Christ and His peace, however, the stark reality that we might lose him is looming over us like an ominous cloud on a cold winters day. There are very few things I can say to articulate my feelings at this time. I am leaning into God like never before. I feel a sense duty to my wife and my family to be strong. And I also feel an overwhelming sense of God’s love through so many who have been reaching out and supporting us through prayer and just “being there” for us.

My wife is the strongest woman I know. I love her so much and don’t know what I would do without her in my life. She is a warrior through and through and is doing such an amazing job. She and I have shared many tears today, but she is by far the strongest woman I know.

As I write this our unborn son needs prayer. We are praying for a couple of things. First, we are praying that Stacy’s body does not begin to contract and push the baby out. Secondly, we are praying for no infection. If those two things happen he will have a better chance of survival. As we are going through this, I can’t help but draw near to God. As I was studying, I read this Psalm of David & re-wrote it for my baby.

Psalm 139:13-16 (A Psalm for my little boy) “For you created my son’s inmost being; you are knitting him together in his mother’s womb. I praise you because he is fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. His frame was not hidden from you when he was made in the secret place, when he was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw his unformed body; all the days ordained for him were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Here are three things I gleaned from this scripture:

1) God is over all things
God creates, he breathes, he knits, and things and babies come into existence. He is sovereign over everything and everyone. There’s peace in knowing that He is in control over our son’s life and that no matter what happens, He has a plan that is better than ours.

2) We are valuable to God
I suck at building stuff. I have done a few handy man type things around the house and when I take time and fix something or create something from scratch, I am very proud of it. I can’t help but value what I’ve invested my time into (Just ask Stacy about the time I fixed the sink lol) I feel like that’s how God sees each and everyone of us. He made us – He’s proud of us – He values us beyond our comprehension. God loves and values my son more than I ever could. That’s reassuring in this moment.

3) Nothing is a surprise to God
My son’s frame has not been hidden from God. He is not an accident. God saw this coming before the earth began. Our hearts are encouraged by the fact that He sees and knows everything we are going through and wants to comfort us in the midst of our trial.

I pray that each of you would cherish the time you have with your loved ones today. Slow down and examine your heart, your thoughts, and your schedule. We are praying for a miracle baby and trusting that Jesus in interceding for us as it says in Hebrews. We’ve cried a lot today but we know that when we hurt, God is near. I want to thank everyone who has been praying for us. We feel extremely loved and cared for and that means more than you’ll ever know.

In His Arms,
Adam

Zambia Trip

Greetings from Zambia!

Yesterday we attended church at Streams of Living Water where Pastor Ernest preached an awesome message on The Purpose and Focus of the Christian. It was a blessing to have the opportunity to pray with dozens of people who came up after the altar call to receive prayer as well as some who were accepting Christ for the very first time! Our entire group laid hands on the people and prayed for them! It was definitely a highlight for our group!

The picture shown here is the church before we showed the movie Frozen. It was so cool to see all of the kids that showed up to watch the movie. We were a little nervous and hoping they would understand the movie. Our nerves quickly vanished as we heard an eruption of laughter during one of the first few scenes! It was an awesome experience to watch the little kids react to the movie! After the movie I was able get in front of the church and explain the meaning of the movie and share with them that real love will sacrifice, just like Princess Anna gave up her life to save her sister. I told them that’s what Jesus Christ did for us… I shared Romans 5:8 where Paul writes “God demonstrates his own love for us in this, while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.” The kids cheered ecstatically as I asked them if they loved Jesus! Too cool 🙂

After that the group was able to pass out soda, candy, and the Gospel of John to all the guests. We were able to serve and love on them in a real practical way and God was glorified.

Today will be another adventure as the Spirit leads us to more people that need the love and hope of Jesus. Our plan is to head to Shatubu, which is a small village outside of Lusaka, to see the new building and water well that VBF help develop. Stay tuned for more updates from our team!

In His Love,
Adam